Second Chance

It was the night of my first big surgery and I was in the operating room at 9pm. The surgery was an hour and a half behind schedule. The sights of the huge surgical lights, the operating table and equipments; the neurosurgeon and his staff in their deep green gowns (to conceal the color of blood stains); the thought of being shaven bald while under anesthetic; going under the knife and drilling four holes on my skull are all nothing but like scenes in a slaughter house. It’s not my idea of fun and would have send chills down anyone’s spine. What would be on your thoughts if you were me? It was cold that night. Very cold! And I’m only wearing the hospital gown and a flannel blanket on top. But I was so calm and all smiles as the anesthesiologist talked to me for a while asking how I was doing while preparing me for the 3.5-hour ordeal. In the back of my mind, it is just another surgery. I know I am not alone. I’ve been through this three times before and I'm surely going to make it. The first one was, when I was as young as 8, for an appendectomy, then another major in 1996; and a right elbow injury a couple years back. Is there such a thing as being a pro when going under the knife? I wouldn’t like to think so.

My elder brother left his family behind, took (emergency) week off from work and flew in from Manila the day before, was waiting just outside the OR accompanying my 2 other good friends, Maggie and Paul. At about half past midnight, I regained consciousness. “Breathe! Breathe deeply! Inhale!” the Neurosurgeon said. I heard murmuring and sounds of metal equipments clanking on metal trays. I can feel the top of my head throbbing like it would explode as the effects of anesthetics lessen. As they wheeled me out of the OR on the way to ICU my eyes were still closed. A lady was jumping and screaming, “He’s alive, he’s alive!” And I heard my brother said, “Maggie and Paul are here waiting all night.” As I opened my eyes slowly, I uttered in my scruffy voice, “Wh…who’s Maggie? Who’s Paul?” Suddenly there was complete silence! For nearly half-a-minute all I got were stares from people surrounding me. The Neurosurgeon look puzzled. Then I smiled and said, “I was just kidding!” He gasped and exclaimed, “Oh he’s making a joke. That’s a very good sign.”

My first real taste of excruciating pain did not sink in until that night. But I don’t have to succumb to it. I believe that you must be able to take your pain and play with it in order for you to turn such situations around. Veteran comedian, Bill Cosby of the 'Cosby Show' was quoted as saying, “You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.” This holds true to those who survive such situations by turning them around and looking at the brighter side of life instead. For me, I prefer to laugh at myself and my own mistakes as I learn from it.

The second surgery the following night was even more agonizing than the first. I was awake all night just like the first, savoring every single minute in pain. In these moments, I experienced nearly my entire life flashed before my eyes. I was immobilized from the shoulder up as my head was too heavy and felt lifeless. My neck wound was too sharp and I was laying heavily on it. 4 days later, I had third surgery to remove my gallbladder which was highly inflamed and toxic. A few days had passed and one of my dear friends asked me during one of his visits, “So do you still believe in God after all these things that have happened to you?” In fact, it made me just draw nearer! The bad things that happen to us are perhaps allowed by God as a wake up call. From what? From abusing ourselves, excessive madness, being stubborn, or perhaps just to teach us an unforgettable lesson?

When David took census of Israel and Judah, he did it for pride and ambition in counting the people so that he could glory in the size of his army rather than putting his faith in God’s ability to protect them. This has angered God. For his punishment, God gave David 3 choices: 3 years of famine; 3 months of fleeing from your enemies; or 3 days of severe plague throughout the land. David chose the latter. So God sent a plague to Israel which lasted for 3 days where 70,000 people died. But as the death angel was preparing to destroy Jerusalem, God relented and told the angel to “Stop! That is enough!” (2 Samuel 24:16). David chose his punishment wisely. He knew how brutal his enemies were if he were to fall in their hands, and also knew God’s great mercy. To be punished by God is far better than to take chances without Him.

Every day people make mistakes, commit offenses or just simply become victims and you get to hear about it on the news. There are those who pay huge price for their wrong deeds while others are either punished harshly or disciplined. But what about those who are pardoned and become repeat offenders? Are there such valid excuses? Our God is a loving God He gives us another chance and sometimes, even choices to begin new life and become better persons. When you confess your sins to Him it is forgiven and thrown into the deepest seas. But sometimes we abuse the chances and often the consequences are devastating. Bad things are mostly the fruit of our disobedience. There are those who question God and turn their backs on Him. Others draw nearer! And there are those who chose to wait for their punishment before they learn their lessons. But because of God's unfailing love He gave me back my life, my strength and health to honor and glorify Him. I live to tell the wonders of His miracles and learn to accept whatever He sends my way and just simply put my trust in Him. This alone gives me good enough reason to live my second chance. One day after my third surgery that week, I stood up and was later discharged from the hospital.

Bible passage to read: 2 Samuel 24:1-25

“LIFE IS 10% WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU
AND 90% HOW YOU RESPOND TO IT.”

Few weeks had past my friends and I finally decided to put the pain behind for a moment and enjoy a bit more of fun doing a little “Break Dancing”. And so we did as you can see from the following clip. (See below post).

The Gift Nobody Wants

For many years I have been complaining of severe headaches, dizziness, nausea and eventually migraine attacks that caused me to suffer much bodily pains. Several practitioners prescribed me pain relievers in the hope that I get cured of all these ailments. One doctor dig deeper into the root of the problem and has prescribed me to see a physiotherapist. The result was effective and I was in very good condition for a couple of years. I also did practiced Yoga as part of my stretches. But just recently my condition began to deteriorate. I've had postural headaches with pounding, throbbing pains. I did have head rush whenever I change my posture. Dizzy spells came in and out most of the days and migraine has heightened my other senses. Spasms and stiff neck has taken its toll slowly and had limited my mobility. I could not take it anymore. My productivity has lessened dramatically and I was always in bed, in a bad mood caused by stress. It has affected my daily life including work, friends, family and personal time.

Symptoms and illness are not the same thing. The illness do exists long before the symptoms, and symptoms are the beginning of its cures. However, they are all unwanted! So, does pain really represent God’s greatest gift? Or was it God’s one great mistake? Are there certain times in your life you wish there were no pains? Have you ever thought what would it be like if there are no pains?

In his book, “Where Is God When It Hurts”, author Philip Yancey talked about Dr. Brand of Louisiana who lived among people with leprosy where he came to appreciate pain. In his works, he discovered that leprosy patients are suffering because they have a very defective pain system. Also known as Hansen’s disease, it is infectious and characterized by disfiguring skin sores, nerve damage and decreasing of one’s strength. Skin lesions decrease its sensation to touch, heat, or pain and do not heal after several weeks or months. He started following around patients at a leprosarium in India wondering how else they damage themselves. During one of his studies, pieces of fingers and toes disappear while patients are sleeping. He learned that rats were coming into the open-air wards and nibbling on unsuspecting patients. Without feeling pain, the patient is undisturbed until they wake up the next morning to find missing parts of their limbs. Then it became mandatory that each patient released from the hospital must have a cat for nocturnal protection. There were many other causes that contribute to patients’ deteriorating conditions in their daily lives. In short, leprosy works like an anesthetic, attacking the pain cells in our body producing numbness – hence, the absence of pain! The same is true in advanced cases of diabetes.

On Sept 8, 2008, I had CT scan of my brain. There was an evidence of severe increased intracranial pressure and was diagnosed with subdural hematoma with suspected intracranial hypotension due to spontaneous spinal cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) leaks. Two major surgeries were performed 10 days after I was admitted at the hospital – they drilled four holes on the top of my skull to release the hematoma, and a laminectomy (the day after) which left more than 7-inch of surgical scar at the back of my neck to prevent the recurrent of hematoma. Lumbar puncture tests and a series of MRI scans were also further performed in between two surgeries to determine the cause and take preventive measures of the first ailment. Now that's a lot of torture! If not for the pains, I could have damaged my senses with either blurry visions, slur in speech, or worst, become paralyzed or fall into a coma if actions weren’t done soon enough. Can you tell how much pain I have been through in order to put my suffering to an end? Even though I cannot stand being awake since the pain is too much for me to bear, life must go on.

Just imagine how amazingly God created our body with minute details: The brain and spinal cord are covered by a tough, translucent membrane called the Dura matter due they are fragile and need extensive protection from being infected by disease organisms, from being crushed and other forms of harm. Cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) surrounds the brain and spinal cord and cushions the brain and spinal cord from jolts. The blood-brain barrier protects the brain from any chemical intrusion from the rest of the body. The blood flowing into the brain is filtered in order to prevent harmful chemicals from affecting the brain. The absence of pain will make it hard to detect a single symptom of anomaly in the nervous system alone. Just two nights after surgery, I felt this strange sensation in my head as my brain gets fully hydrated. The top of my head which felt like a deflated ball suddenly came to rise slowly. I felt every square inch of my scalp hardening and the shape of my skull turned back in its full roundness again. Simply amazing! Now how many of you have ever experienced that kind of sensation ever?!? This is something you don’t get to see or experience every day, unless you are the neurologist yourself!

Through my experience, pain is not God’s mistake. It is simply the body’s way of alerting us of danger. The sensation of pain is a gift. It is a gift that nobody wants. To the victims of leprosy, pain defines life and God’s greatest gift! However, pain is never permanent. The world is full of pain and suffering. But it is also full of overcoming it. The deeper sorrow it carves into your being the more joy you can contain. “How is that possible?” you may ask me. You see, life is 10% of what happens to you and it is 90% how you respond to it.

Just imagine how many of us are recovering either from illness, a bad relationship, heartaches, and other pain-related matters. Well, I am sure everyone has their shares of pains and sufferings at some point of their lives. While pain is thought of as an unwanted gift, the fact that it is unwanted makes it more of a phenomenon of grace, a message from the unconscious to initiate self-examination and repair. We must embrace and burn it as a fuel for our life’s journey. Pain allows us to live active lives. If you are in doubt, why not visit a leprosarium and observe a world without pain. Pain, anyone? (To be continued…)

Bible passage: Job 7:1-21

"Life is simply full of surprises.

In the end, some of your greatest pains

become your greatest strengths."