The Gift Nobody Wants

For many years I have been complaining of severe headaches, dizziness, nausea and eventually migraine attacks that caused me to suffer much bodily pains. Several practitioners prescribed me pain relievers in the hope that I get cured of all these ailments. One doctor dig deeper into the root of the problem and has prescribed me to see a physiotherapist. The result was effective and I was in very good condition for a couple of years. I also did practiced Yoga as part of my stretches. But just recently my condition began to deteriorate. I've had postural headaches with pounding, throbbing pains. I did have head rush whenever I change my posture. Dizzy spells came in and out most of the days and migraine has heightened my other senses. Spasms and stiff neck has taken its toll slowly and had limited my mobility. I could not take it anymore. My productivity has lessened dramatically and I was always in bed, in a bad mood caused by stress. It has affected my daily life including work, friends, family and personal time.

Symptoms and illness are not the same thing. The illness do exists long before the symptoms, and symptoms are the beginning of its cures. However, they are all unwanted! So, does pain really represent God’s greatest gift? Or was it God’s one great mistake? Are there certain times in your life you wish there were no pains? Have you ever thought what would it be like if there are no pains?

In his book, “Where Is God When It Hurts”, author Philip Yancey talked about Dr. Brand of Louisiana who lived among people with leprosy where he came to appreciate pain. In his works, he discovered that leprosy patients are suffering because they have a very defective pain system. Also known as Hansen’s disease, it is infectious and characterized by disfiguring skin sores, nerve damage and decreasing of one’s strength. Skin lesions decrease its sensation to touch, heat, or pain and do not heal after several weeks or months. He started following around patients at a leprosarium in India wondering how else they damage themselves. During one of his studies, pieces of fingers and toes disappear while patients are sleeping. He learned that rats were coming into the open-air wards and nibbling on unsuspecting patients. Without feeling pain, the patient is undisturbed until they wake up the next morning to find missing parts of their limbs. Then it became mandatory that each patient released from the hospital must have a cat for nocturnal protection. There were many other causes that contribute to patients’ deteriorating conditions in their daily lives. In short, leprosy works like an anesthetic, attacking the pain cells in our body producing numbness – hence, the absence of pain! The same is true in advanced cases of diabetes.

On Sept 8, 2008, I had CT scan of my brain. There was an evidence of severe increased intracranial pressure and was diagnosed with subdural hematoma with suspected intracranial hypotension due to spontaneous spinal cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) leaks. Two major surgeries were performed 10 days after I was admitted at the hospital – they drilled four holes on the top of my skull to release the hematoma, and a laminectomy (the day after) which left more than 7-inch of surgical scar at the back of my neck to prevent the recurrent of hematoma. Lumbar puncture tests and a series of MRI scans were also further performed in between two surgeries to determine the cause and take preventive measures of the first ailment. Now that's a lot of torture! If not for the pains, I could have damaged my senses with either blurry visions, slur in speech, or worst, become paralyzed or fall into a coma if actions weren’t done soon enough. Can you tell how much pain I have been through in order to put my suffering to an end? Even though I cannot stand being awake since the pain is too much for me to bear, life must go on.

Just imagine how amazingly God created our body with minute details: The brain and spinal cord are covered by a tough, translucent membrane called the Dura matter due they are fragile and need extensive protection from being infected by disease organisms, from being crushed and other forms of harm. Cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) surrounds the brain and spinal cord and cushions the brain and spinal cord from jolts. The blood-brain barrier protects the brain from any chemical intrusion from the rest of the body. The blood flowing into the brain is filtered in order to prevent harmful chemicals from affecting the brain. The absence of pain will make it hard to detect a single symptom of anomaly in the nervous system alone. Just two nights after surgery, I felt this strange sensation in my head as my brain gets fully hydrated. The top of my head which felt like a deflated ball suddenly came to rise slowly. I felt every square inch of my scalp hardening and the shape of my skull turned back in its full roundness again. Simply amazing! Now how many of you have ever experienced that kind of sensation ever?!? This is something you don’t get to see or experience every day, unless you are the neurologist yourself!

Through my experience, pain is not God’s mistake. It is simply the body’s way of alerting us of danger. The sensation of pain is a gift. It is a gift that nobody wants. To the victims of leprosy, pain defines life and God’s greatest gift! However, pain is never permanent. The world is full of pain and suffering. But it is also full of overcoming it. The deeper sorrow it carves into your being the more joy you can contain. “How is that possible?” you may ask me. You see, life is 10% of what happens to you and it is 90% how you respond to it.

Just imagine how many of us are recovering either from illness, a bad relationship, heartaches, and other pain-related matters. Well, I am sure everyone has their shares of pains and sufferings at some point of their lives. While pain is thought of as an unwanted gift, the fact that it is unwanted makes it more of a phenomenon of grace, a message from the unconscious to initiate self-examination and repair. We must embrace and burn it as a fuel for our life’s journey. Pain allows us to live active lives. If you are in doubt, why not visit a leprosarium and observe a world without pain. Pain, anyone? (To be continued…)

Bible passage: Job 7:1-21

"Life is simply full of surprises.

In the end, some of your greatest pains

become your greatest strengths."